Other states do not create legislative bills through divine revelation. That’s why it’s illegal in Utah to have two glasses of beer in front of you on a restaurant table. In other places, if you hear angels singing through the slats in the electrical sockets you are sent to the bughouse to be surged full of electricity until all you have in your ears is a permanent fractured buzz. People here still believe that anything is possible. And that is why, in Utah, anything is.

But it’s not just the Mormons. They simply discovered a landscape in synch with their cosmology. After all, this is the landscape where the Anasazi Indians disappeared. This landscape used to be under the sea. There is a sea of energy in which Utah floats, and its elements are unknown. Geomancers claim Utah is the heart chakra of the world, and that there is a huge swirling black funnel, like a doomsday leak, over the LDS Temple in downtown Salt Lake City. But the Temple didn’t create it — it was already there.

Why is Utah’s electromagnetic field so strange? I don’t know. It’s certainly full of radioactive dust from the above-ground atomic testing during the 60’s, and the ground here is full of uranium. It’s rich in copper, too, which is why the world’s largest hole is here. You can see it from space, along with the Great Wall of China. It’s a mine, and it looks exactly like the diagrams of Dante’s Inferno. They are also building the world’s only Cosmic Ray observatory out here: huge tanks of water to catch muons, which will pass through lead because they are so fast. Not only that, but there are germs and chemicals that can’t be found anywhere else on the earth, by gracious courtesy of the Tooele Army Depot. Utah is where Cold Fusion was discovered, too. Some have claimed this to be a fraud, but it isn't. The problem with re-creating the experiment elsewhere is that the very process is indigenous to this climate.

People who are just passing through when their car breaks down here become permanent residents. Natives can’t shake this place; you can move away, but you always come back. Whether you’re transplanted or born here, if you do move on from this place you find that it leaves its thumbprint on you. And after that, no matter where you are in the world, if you are from Utah, you will find other people from Utah. And they will agree: this place has a peculiar charge to it, and it both attracts people with like charges and transforms those with opposite charges. This is the place, spake Brother Brigham when he looked out the back of a covered wagon, all miserable with tick fever and the runs. THIS is the place. This IS the place. This is THE place. This is the PLACE. This is the place where nothing happens by accident. This is the place that supplies the Transcience Corp. with sea monkeys. This is the place where a man can marry another man and have the state be oblivious to it for three years.