A Song by Any Other Band...
(or The 15 Best Cover Songs in the World)

Welcome to the first edition of "Stick It In Your Ear." First off, in the immortal words of that psycho orderly guy from Happy Gilmore, "Read the name tag. You're in my world now, Grandma." I will rarely review the latest acoustic release from anybody, and I wouldn't know a Korn song if it crept into my bed and molested me. But I have absorbed and processed so much danged music in my brief existence, I'm sure to eventually spew up something that appeals to you. Just hang in there.

What is a Cover Song?

Any band that plays other people's music is a cover band. Cover bands don't play "originals," they play "covers." So a cover song is just a song that has been re-performed by a band other than the original artist. This concept of "cover-ness" is metaphysically deep. A cover song does not become a cover song until it is performed by a cover band. Once the performance is over, the cover song ceases to be a cover song and returns to its status as a mere song. But the cover song will always be a cover song to those in the cover band (because it's not an original). Yet to the song's original artist, the cover song can never be a cover song, even when it's being "covered" by another band. Does a song even exist apart from its being performed? Plato might say it exists in form. Intellectual copyright holders would say it exists as a source of revenue. They might also say, "show me the money."

The definition of "cover song" gets even fuzzier under closer scrutiny.

When the London Philharmonic performs Beethoven's Fifth, is that a cover song? When a bluegrass band plays "Rocky Top" for the umpteenth time, are they a cover band? When you sing "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" in church, are you a cover band? When Karen Carpenter tops the charts singing Burt Bacharach's "Close to You," is her version the original, or is Bacharach's obscure and squeaky demo performance of "Close to You" the original? When Tone Loc samples the drums from Van Halen's "Jamie's Crying" and incorporates them into his luscious "Wild Thing," who's zoomin' whom? And what about Muzak, by gum? Our solution to this distressing dilemma – avoid close scrutiny and trudge on.

Sometimes a real band will "cover" someone else's song in concert, simply because they like playing that song. Sometimes a real band will even go so far as to record their cover version of a song in the studio. What follows, then, are the 15 best cover songs in the world. These are not the 15 best bands. These are not the 15 best songs (although most of these songs are heavily mystical). These are not the 15 best CD's. These are not even the 15 best performances. No, these are the 15 best recorded performances of songs by artists other than the artists who originally popularized the songs. Arrrgh!

I'm going from least great to most great, and I'll only comment on the top 10, so stick with me....

15. Cover Artist: Jimi Hendrix Song: Star Spangled Banner (click song title for audio sample) CD: Any of the Numerous Woodstock compilations Original Artist: Francis Scott Key

14. Cover Artist: Sonic Youth Song: Now I Want to Be Your Dog CD: Confusion is Sex Original Artist: The Stooges

13. Cover Artist: 13th Floor Elevators Song: Baby Blue CD: Easter Everywhere Original Artist: Bob Dylan

12. Cover Artist: Minutemen Song: Doctor Wu CD: Double Nickels on a Dime Original Artist: Steely Dan

11. Cover Artist: John Coltrane Song: Nature Boy (click song title for audio sample) CD: The John Coltrane Quartet Plays Original Artist: Nat King Cole

10. Cover Artist: Steve Tibbets Song: Black Mountain Side (click song title for audio sample) CD: Big Map Idea Original Artist: Led Zeppelin

Steve Tibbets gets filed under jazz, but he's really more of a world musician. An impressive guitarist, composer, and arranger in his own right, this is the only cover song Tibbets has ever recorded. It might seem like he'd cover an Indian raga tune, or at least something by Peter Gabriel, but upon hearing Tibbets' treatment of this syncopated Zeppelin ditty, it's apparent why he chose it. "Black Mountain Side" is a short instrumental piece that originally led into "Communication Breakdown" on Led Zeppelin's first album. Tibbets stays true to the original acoustic guitar lead, but his meticulous addition of authentic Indian tabla drums and loopy acoustic under-drones pushes this song over the edge and into its own-ness. Yes, this tribute version surpasses the original. Tibbets treats "Black Mountain Side" not as a segue between mosh sessions, but as the focus of a studied, trance-inducing trip. And oh how it glows.

9. Cover Artist: The Breeders Song: Happiness is a Warm Gun (click song title for audio sample) CD: Pod Original Artist: The Beatles

The Breeders bring an edgy, bubble-gum, girl-rocker-on-a-rampage vibe to "Happiness is a Warm Gun." The lyrics are already sickly ironic, and when sung by cheery girl voices over crunching distortion, the song's mood rushes right past disturbing and on into downright malevolent. The funky, cruddy, tribal drum work adds to the titanic weirdness of this piece. Midway through the song, everything drops out except for a little feedback, and then the whole band suddenly pops up and ambushes the "mother superior jumped the gun" section, flailing punkily throughout its duration. Having spent their last little bit of enthusiasm, the band just sort of stumbles apart and stops. The end. In like a lion, out like a lamb; with a healthy dose of aardvark, hedgehog, and lemur thrown in for good measure.

8. Cover Artist: John Coltrane Song: My Favorite Things (click song title for audio sample) CD: Live in Japan Original Artist: Maria in The Sound of Music

John Coltrane popularized "My Favorite Things" for the jazz set with his 14-minute studio rendition of the song in 1960. But that ain't the version we're talking about here. Six years later, Coltrane finds himself live in Japan with one of the wildest bands he's ever fronted. So why not launch into an hour-long version of "My Favorite Things," a version that is so far out there as to be almost unrecognizable. Probably it would be best to start with a 15-minute bass solo, followed by a 4-minute full-band freak-out session before even introducing the musical theme. This tune is merely a familiar canvas onto which Coltrane blows a raucous jam. No instrument is immune to perpetual freakdom. The drums are even more erratic than the instruments they pretend to anchor. Alice Coltrane's off-planet syncopated piano vamping combine with Pharoah Sanders' high-pitched squealings to propel us upward and outward. And piloting this careening starship doggedly into oblivion is Coltrane's amazing saxophone, exquisite even at its starkest. This whole song threatens to fly apart at any moment, but not until it has taken us for quite a ride. Definitely my favorite version of "My Favorite Things."

7. Cover Artist: Miles Davis Song: Guinevere (full version) CD: The Complete Bitches Brew Sessions Original Artist: Crosby, Stills, and Nash

I love the original CSN version of this song, with its Neo-Arthurian, West Coast hippy lyrics and its melancholy mode, so I was initially skeptical when I chanced upon this Miles Davis version. I just couldn't fathom some souped-up electric free jazz version of this necessarily demure and mythical song. But then the Miles version fell on my ears, and I heard the light. Even in his electric phase, this was still the same cool Miles Davis that crafted Kind of Blue. How could I have doubted him? Miles's version of "Guinevere" is sock-it-to-me cool. It's laid back, low down, and bad (in the Michael Jackson sense). There's two electric piano players, all sorts of percussionists and other instrumental noodlers, but they all manage to stay out of each other's way. Indeed, there's so much space is this song, it's waterlogged with time. Miles barely even takes a solo; he mostly just follows the melody line straight through. Consequently the song sprawls, it lopes, is glides, it floats. Yes, this song is on helium. It's heavy in a light way; or light in a heavy way. Either or both. If any one thing is truly "groovy, baby," it's Miles' vibe on "Guinevere." Drop the needle, and let it ride.

6. Cover Artist: The Cowboy Junkies Song: Sweet Jane CD: The Trinity Session Original Artist: Lou Reed

I don't really like the Cowboy Junkies. Nor am I particularly fond of Lou Reed's original version of "Sweet Jane." I suppose The Trinity Session has its merits as an album – it was recorded in an old church with acoustic instruments, and it sounds real echo-ey. But in the final analysis, it's no great piece of work. Why, then, is this song at #6 on my list? Well, there's this part of the song that goes, "La-la-la-la, la-la-la". That's why. The Cowboy Junkies are ambling through "Sweet Jane" – brush drums plodding, acoustic guitars gently sketching – until Margo Timmins gets to the bridge that says, "Heavenly wine and roses seem to whisper to me when you smile." Then suddenly the whole song transfigures into the saddest, most genuinely beautiful, lilting, plaintive, musical ad-lib this side of Bulgaria, as the singer sings "la-la-la-la, la-la-la" for about 20 seconds. Based on the force of these 20 seconds alone, this song is at #6. I don't like Patsy Cline or country music, but this version of "Sweet Jane" helps me understand why others really do. Performed by neo-hippies, written by a New York punk rocker from the late ‘60s, and resting on my list securely ahead of two jazz legends ... someone ought to sell tickets.

5. Cover Artist: Bongwater Song: The Porpoise Song CD: Double Bummer/ Breaking No New Ground CD Original Artist: Carole King

Bongwater's core members are New York guitarist Kramer and actress Ann Magnuson. (She played the mother of Alan, friend of the Gorgonites, in Small Soldiers, among other illustrious roles.) Bongwater brew up lo-fi noise rock, but every now and then they'll court a beautiful melody and give her a halting whirl. Such is the case with "The Porpoise Song," which has a melody so lovely, no one could ruin it. Call this crud pop, glitch rock, or indie muddling; Bongwater's slurred production draws out the poignant yearnings of this song. Like a 14-year-old girl forced to drive her injured father to the hospital in his broken down station wagon, Bongwater makes a valiant effort on "The Porpoise Song." Sure they run over a few hydrants along the way; but they're doing their best, they're on a mission of love, and they're only 14? Heady psychedelic bliss at its most important.

4. Cover Artist: Dinosaur Jr. Song: Just Like Heaven (click song title for audio sample) CD: Just Like Heaven CD Single Original Artist: The Cure

The Cure and Dinosaur Jr. seem to have nothing in common. The Cure plays pretty, jangling pop tunes; whereas Dinosaur Jr. plays ear-splitting, distorted pop tunes. Wait a minute, they have pop tunes in common! Which is why Dinosaur Jr. probably chose to try their hand at "Just Like Heaven," a succinct pop masterpiece. Dinosaur Jr.'s version is mostly straightforward on the verses. The beat mirrors the original happy dance beat, the distortion is only slightly evident, and Dinosaur's lead singer even mimics the timbre of Robert Smith's voice (with unsettling results). But then on the chorus, it's crunch time. The beat goes heavy metal, all the distortion kicks in, and the lead vocals mutate into a chorus of people croaking "You!" And then, we're courteously ushered right back into the straightforward, Dance-Party-USA verse. Back and forth, back and forth. Like rolling naked in the snow and then jumping into a steaming hot tub. If you ever wished The Cure were just a little more ballsy, here's your chance to pretend.

3. Cover Artist: John Denver Song: Junk (click song title for audio sample) CD: Poems, Prayers, and Promises Original Artist: Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney has obviously written some beautiful melodies. Maybe you've heard some of them. But "Junk" has to be at the top of his beautiful melody list. It's so sad, so unusual, so evocative of black and white purity. It reminds me of the 1890s, and I wasn't even there. John Denver's pure, earnest, cornball voice makes his version of "Junk" clearly definitive. Indeed, "Junk" seems to have been written specifically for John Denver (although it wasn't). Enough said. This music is very, very beautiful. You can't deny it.

2. Cover Artist: Big Star Song: Nature Boy (click song title for audio sample) CD: Third/Sister Lovers (CD) Original Artist: Nat King Cole

Some songs are haunting, but "Nature Boy" is just plain spooky. Dig the lyrics: "There was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy." Jump to the end: "The greatest gift you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." Man, this Nature Boy character is like some 1950s Jedi emerging from the heart of the Peruvian rain forest to blow our collective minds. This song made it into my top 15 twice, so something's going on here. Leave it to a white boy from Memphis to invoke the spirit of Nature Boy better than either Nat King Cole or John Coltrane. Big Star's Alex Chilton sings along to a single piano on his rendition of "Nature Boy." That's it. This is a wisp of a performance. It sounds like a recording of someone's memories. Chilton even giggles a bit near the end. But his high, unapologetic voice and his disorientingly austere piano are physically chilling. Understated profundity clocking your mind's ear like a stray croquet mallet. "A little shy, and sad of eye, but very wise was he."

1. Cover Artist: Keith Jarrett Song: Over the Rainbow (click song title for audio sample) CD: La Scala Original Artist: Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz

For my money, Keith Jarrett is the greatest instrumentalist of all time. He's played electric piano with Miles Davis; he's played minimalistic piano for Arvo Part; he's co-written with Steely Dan; and on and on. But Jarrett shines brightest on grand piano during his live improvisational solo concerts. Most of Jarrett's compositions are made up on the spot, but at the end of La Scala, Jarrett treats us to his very personal "Over the Rainbow". This version is perfect. It's not irreverent or wild, nor is it conservative or straightforward. It is meticulously intentional, yet still passionately soulful. This is not a "version" or a "tribute" to "Over the Rainbow." This is the essence of the song heard and expressed by one who knows. It's Plato's form of the song made real. But Jarrett goes even further. He not only shows us what the song is, but he shows us what the song means to him. This performance mines and reveals the essence of "Over the Rainbow," and then filters it through the soul of the one whom discovered it. There is something more to this life. We all know it. And this performance trills forth that knowledge, and the longing it inspires. Kind of heavy, but life is heavy. Or didn't you know?

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Jesus of Nazareth loves CURT CLONINGER, and both parties are pleased with this unprecedented turn of events. Consume even more of Curt's time by writing him at broken@acan.net