I had thought of using this space to launch a political diatribe, slamming several local politicians for their nonsensical views of the Internet, for their assumption that we web publishers are little more than pandering capitalists with pedophiliac tendencies, for the belief that our only salvation can come from beneath the heavy thumb of government. It is November, after all. The mudslinging season has begun.

I had hoped to craft an eloquent essay attacking the Congress for proposing we amend the Constitution to ban all forms of expression that happen to include a Bic lighter and a red, white and blue swatch of cloth. I had the outline drafted. I even had a title: "But What is a Flag?" I'd carefully constructed a paragraph or two that suggested we (if the amendment were to pass) go even further and imprison every last one of the waifish models who had ever posed in a Tommy Hilfiger ad, Old Glory wrapped around their thin shoulders like a favorite shawl. Lock up Ralph Lauren and his moneyed minions who sleep and fuck each night on sheets of stars and stripes. Banish Joe Boxer to a less-deserving country for suggesting we hide our ever-widening asses beneath a pair of flag-styled boxer-shorts. Shoot on site any who dare soil those hallowed garments. Tear down every last Jasper Johns painting from the walls of MoMA, LACMA, SOMA. Paint the flag in orange, green and black! What greater insult to our patriotic ideals than to walk away from "Moratorium" only to see Stars and Stripes floating like a specter in our vision, brushing up against the dirty, puerile excrement of the surrounding artwork, weaving in between the dregs of humanity, playing hopscotch with them as they walk down the bright autumn sidewalks, brushing the littered ground as we bend to tie our shoelace....

I had hoped to craft an essay. You may have already noticed, however, that satire is not my strong suit.

I will say this: Every form of expression is both beautiful and ugly. Every word uttered both eloquent and vile. The only difference between victory and defeat is which side of the line you happen to be standing on.

That said, the staff have put their party affiliations aside for this issue, bringing you the best writing to date. Whether you're in the mood to hear us wax poetic about the some of the finest literary zines we've ever encountered in "Zine-O-Rama", take potshots at past politicians in "Remote Control", or just hunker down with some wonderful poetry and short fiction, you're sure to find exactly what you're looking for in this issue of Pif Magazine.

Pif Magazine, like most businesses lacking governmental subsidies or at least one free-spending millionaire on the staff, has financial needs. "Oh, I so want to help you worthy people!" you say? Fortunately, you can! Let's look at the many ways to help Pif Magazine, its writers, and the online literary community as a whole:

THE DIRECT, CREATE-A-WARM-GLOW-IN-THE-TUMMY-OF-THE-EDITORS WAY:

Direct Investment! Heralded by Yahoo! Internet Life magazine as "The Next Wave" in literary zines, Pif Magazine is leading the way in developing a true "online literary community." With one-stop services like Pilot-Search (our literary arts search engine) and Zine-X (a banner exchange service for zine editors), Pif Magazine is truly the "Starting Point for the Literary e-Press."

Besides providing proprietary content for "portal" sites across the Net, Pif has several projects under development to coalesce the currently fragmented online literary community, encompassing a majority of the online literary content under one roof. We need investors, however, to help make this vision a reality.

If you would like to learn more about the future of Pif, or are interested in becoming an investor, please e-mail richard@pifmagazine.com. Serious inquiries only, please.

THE STILL PRETTY DIRECT, WARM-GLOW-MAINTAINED WAY:

Amazon.com gives 15% of its already low sales price to "associate" zines. Bookmark our Amazon.com bookstore (www.pifmagazine.com/bookstore/) and use this link every time you make an online book, music, or video purchase.

We use this "referral" fee to pay our writers and artists. We pay for every word and picture in this magazine - giving our writers and artists something that few other zines on the Net can afford to give. And we can do it because readers like you choose to purchase their books, music, and movies through Pif Magazine. Remember, even if you don't regularly buy these items online, you still help us when you spread the word to friends who do.

THE "IT MAY SEEM LESS DIRECT, BUT DARN IT WE STILL LOVE YOU FOR IT" WAY:

Our literary search engine, Pilot-Search (www.pilot-search.com) continues to grow at a phenomenal rate, and we'd like to thank you. Every time you use Pilot-Search to search for a literary site on the Net you're helping to put food on the table of a starving writer somewhere in the world.

So feed a starving writer ~ read Pif Magazine and search with Pilot-Search

"Writers Only" FREE classifieds are up and running! (www.pifmagazine.com/writers_only/)

Feel free to post any message you feel appropriate.

Remember, "Writers Only" is meant to be a resource to allow writers and publishers to come together. This isn't the place to sell your '79 Gremlin. Check the categories and drop us a line if you think we need to add more. We welcome your suggestions.

Now, as always, it's time now sit back, grab a cup of your favorite blend, and enjoy this issue of Pif.