person_pin Dead Presidents: The Difference Between Nixon And Clinton

by Jeremy Worsham

Published in Issue No. 12 ~ May, 1998

I was at my local coffeehouse having a cup of joe when I happened to overhear two middle-aged businessmen talking about the probability of Clinton being impeached. “It’s just like Watergate all over again.” I heard one of them say. “Yea it looks like we have another crook in the White House.” Replied the other. I nearly choked on my espresso. Where do these dumb asses come from? Any half intelligent person who knows anything about Watergate and Nixon can see that there are virtually no similarities between the events back then and the events that now face us every time we turn on the television.

First of all lets talk about Watergate. Here we have a bunch of bungling burglars who try to screw up a sure second term for a president who doesn’t need any help. The only thing Nixon did was lie about knowing that his men were involved with such activities. He probably knew nothing about the break-in when it happened. When he did find out he lied instead of coming to the people and saying “Look, my men screwed up, I didn’t know anything about it but I promise we will investigate this matter and make sure it never happens again.”

Now lets take a look at Clinton. Here we find a bunch of women coming forward to accuse a governing president of asking for and or receiving sexual favors. Shhh, If you’re quiet enough you can here the Right Wing Republicans whining, “But he lied about it under oath!” So what, hello?! He’s married, he’s the president, and at the time he was up for re-election. Anyone with common sense would have done the same thing Clinton did. So what if he got his dick sucked by half the White House staff? Our saintly J.F.K. was screwing Marilyn Monroe right on the desk of the Oval Office (way to go Mr. President!) Look, the fact is that extra-marital affairs are nothing new. The French are looking over here and shrugging their shoulders wondering what the big deal is and in Brazil a public official who did what Clinton did would have found his popularity ratings going through the roof. We elected Clinton to run the country, we re-elected him because he helped give us jobs and put money in our pockets. We did not hire him as a role model. Nobody gets to the highest office in the land without breaking some rules and making some enemies and it looks like some of Clinton’s enemies are making a mad dash for a piece of the presidential pie. In my opinion the only thing Clinton is guilty of is taking these risks with ugly women. At least let the girl be worth getting caught over.

So, on one hand you have the a liar who lied about knowing anything and, on the other hand you have a liar who lied out of common sense. The only connection as far as I can see is the fact that both men lied. So, now that we’ve found a similarity let’s talk about impeachment shall we? For those of us who were alive during Nixon’s terms in office we can remember the terrible war in Vietnam and the death tolls rising. There was protest after protest and one anti-war demonstration after another. Combine this along with a crappy economy and you have the makings for a lot of anger and resentment towards the one person the country holds responsible for these issues. Clinton’s term finds the country in unprecedented economic activity. The economy is doing better than it has done in a long time. People have jobs, financial security now and the ability to save for the future. The bottom line is that Nixon faced impeachment and resigned because the economy sucked. People were just looking for any reason to get rid of the man who they thought screwed it all up. For the same reason Clinton will never face impeachment proceedings.

It all boils down to a simple formula for success. Financial Security for Voters = Reelection. This formula explains why Nixon left office and why we should stop wasting our tax dollars finding out whether or not Clinton got a blowjob. I see this ridiculous conversation as evidence of the boomer generation’s fixation and longing for the “glory days” of their youth before the government put a stop to the free-for-all disregard for authority. The boomers should know better than anyone that power often corrupts and that looking for saints in the city of sinners is a waste of time and effort. No, I don’t understand the obsession with Clinton either. Politicians in this county are commonly equated with corruption. This is the nature of the political beast and the sooner we grow up and accept it the sooner we can start using our tax money for more worthwhile endeavors.

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Jeremy Worsham attends college in southern Texas. His experiences in the state universities, there, have convinced him that academia is in serious trouble in this country.