I always want to begin again.

Again, begin.

I should have done things differently.

I should have.

I hide in the not-doing.

By not doing.

Another way to avoid should have is to live in the should. 

When I lay awake at night, mistakes pile on top of me like the fresh snow at my door when I refuse to open. 

Regret feels like throwing up.

I should have done things differently.

Another way to avoid should have is to live in the should. 

I want to begin, again.

Again, begin.

Sometimes, I am nothing at all and sometimes I am a scream inside a small barren room.