OH, it was a medical FACT that he was gorgeous.
Skin, hair, teeth—all precious metals.
And who could resist his flamenco-inflected English? Gay or straight,
No man could withstand the headlong strength of the MANGET.
Ah, those ancient magic horseshoes! They knew how to get things done.
As you pressed the extremities together, came a point where one would violently flip.
So, let’s up on our stiletti, gentlemen! Let us not for a moment forget
How winning it is when a sexy young thing is clumsy on her heels.
Let’s hear it for all licking and biting. Let’s hear it for Bend Over, Boyfriend.
Let’s hear it for those black plastic belts with rows of silver pyramids!
I say we will have no more marriages! I want to teach and be taught.
I want to be kitted out for every possible erotic contingency.
I want to say: “Today she is Queen of Beauty, with a tiara to rival the sun,—
A long, green gown and a bathing suit with the #4 tag still on!
She has defeated the Vietnamese sexpot and the seven-foot blonde in slacks:
They have to stand back and watch the bouquet bounce into her happy hands!
That bundled and crackling rosebush! That starlight-embroidered sash!
And that final walk down the runway, punctuáted with camera flash!
Stand aside, you lesser beauties, for MADRID is coming through!
Miss Teen Queen Photogenic, soon to be seen on pay-per-view!”