by Erin Bealmear

Published in Issue No. 2 ~ January, 1996

to wash away the terror inside of me
that wonders what I’m supposed to do
at two in the morning
when I’ve sunk so deeply
into the hole in my mind
geeky love
a person to roll in the grass with
whiskers against my sensitive neck
chest against my breasts
Love that’s free of phoney poses
that’s free of the silence behind words
that’s free of beginnings
coming to nothing
that’s free of yearnings to satisfy
I don’t expect perfect happiness
even in memory that is rare
I only want someone
to watch Stranger than Paradise with
on the black and white set my mother gave me
Love yes, yes, yes, sweet yes
Love that’s better than banana and peanut butter
on a brick fireplace
Love that strokes my soft flannel pajamas
not just pulls the fabric
from my body
Love with the person who would be perfect for me
if I were the person I wished I was
instead of the person I am
Love that is a heartbeat away
Love that is a major listener
that laughs at what is funny
simply because it is so utterly stupid
I’ve always felt alone without Love I am
Love that let’s my life be different
I’ve got a lot of love
love blowing soap bubbles love
if I can only get past this insecurity phase
I’ve got a blue streak
that dances like a puppet
between the memories
in my mind
letting the slow tears fall
for the dog staring through a window
who makes me lonely
it’s all so terribly sad
these desires
They have nothing to do with love
these characters on T.V.

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Erin's poetry has been published in CrossConnect, Cafe Eighties, and Damaged Goods, and they have completed two workshop programs with The National Writer's Voice Project of the YMCA. They have been writing articles for a new music magazine called Rebel Route.