mood I’m Available to Edit the New Yorker

by Richard Weems

Published in Issue No. 24 ~ May, 1999

Tina Brown’s resigned.
-from an e-mail by Kevin McGowin



New Editor Debut Issue
January 1, 2000

     


SAME OLD MAIL FROM 1962

…………………………………………….
7

GOINGS DOWN IN DA TOWN
…………………………………………….
8

JUST TALK
…………………………………………………………………..
23

Comment
Harry Crews on slipping crystal meth on the models at the VHI Fashion Awards

Et cetera
Happy Kwanza: Trent Lott and the NY City Gay Men’s Chorus; fun with gerbils

DEPARTMENTS

Mindless Love Zombies I Got A Better Way

Jeffrey Dahmer’s prison killer with his own recipe.
you know this guy 34

HIGH-TECH DEPT.

Cybersex: Where to Get Shagged

The stories behind the new links at our website;

Misty strokes herself
with a carrot.
Misty
(of justrawsex.com)
36

SLUTS A GO-GO

Cheever, Salinger, Barthelme…Yeah, I Had ‘Em

A New Yorker literary groupie tells all.
Anonymous 38

IN HIS OWN WORDS

Let’s Have It Out, Already

Tom comes clean (not really) about his masturbatory

fantasies. (Nude photos of Robert Crumb by

Ellis Schnitzel.)

Tom Wolfe
42

IN ANOTHER’S WORDS


Being on This Side of the Fence

(as told to Madame Bench)

There aren’t nearly enough drugs to

prepare you for this.

William S. Burroughs
62

FICTION

“Spam”

Spam

Gordon Lish
68

THOSE DAMN CRITICS

The Art World

“I Cut My Finger and It Sold”

Jasper Johns
69

Musical Events

Roxy Carmichael who?
Kenny G
72

Literary

“Getting porcelained: 100 ways you, your cherished

portrait of Peter O’Toole, a copy of The Stunt Man

and a bottle of banana liqueur can spend many a sleep-

less night”

(literary excerpts given by permission of
Knopf)

Robert Downey, Jr.
76

POEM


“I Wonder. I Wonder. I Wonder Why I Wonder.

I Wonder Why I Wonder Why I Wonder Why

I Wonder.”

Richard P. Feynman
46

THE BACK PAGE

The Koans of Yogi Berra

99

COVER
Demi Moore in Nothing but a Hockey Jersey, Her Soft-Milk Rump
Exposed in Exquisite Three-Quarter Profile, Her Left Hand Fondling a
Goat, Her Right Hand Peeling a Tangerine With Expert (And Experienced)
Care, by Bruce Willis


DRAWINGS
The Editor, the Editor, the Editor, the Editor, the Editor,
Shel Silverstein, the Editor, the Editor, the Editor.


THE NEW NEW YORKER utilizes no subscriptions. Send no money. Your
first issue is free, the others depending on how bad is your need. We
envision hungry literae lining up with hungry eyes, waiting for their
New Yorker connection to cut them deals. “Hey, dese tings gotta come
all de way from New Yauk, man,” he tells them, swiping dreds from his
steely gaze. We envision literae, black berets in-hand, tapping their
feet every time they think they hear that gleaming New Yorker truck
coming down the alley…

account_box More About

Richard K. Weems (www.weemsnet.net) is the author of Anything He Wants, winner of the Spire Fiction Award and finalist for the Eric Hoffer Book Award, and The Need for Character. His short story publications include North American Review, The Gettysburg Review, The Mississippi Review, Other Voices, Crescent Review, The Florida Review and The Beloit Fiction Journal. He will be teaching once again this MLK weekend at the Winter Poetry & Prose Getaway in Cape May, New Jersey.