account_circle by David Horn
Dave is very itchy and wonders if it is bath time. In his sixth year at Westminster College (PA) he hasn't caught the drift that studying is an important part of passing classes. Dave dreams of joining the drug-addled service sector one day and with an impending degree in English and sub-3.0 gpa he soon will realize his dreams. Dave thinks gangs dance before they fight (ala West Side Story) and wonders why Dukes of Hazzard is not in syndication. If Dave's mom calls you, tell her you don't know where he is. Better yet, tell her he's at the library.